Fake News!

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27 July 2017

Fake News! Staff Writer

Washington DC, USA

President Trump to fire entire White House Staff!

In an unpresidented move, Commander In Chief “The Donald” Trump has decided to ax his entire staff of assistants, advisors, cabinet members, cleaning staff Even his own family members!

“They’re week, and just don’t show me the loyalty that royalty, I mean, the President of this beautiful country, you know I’m the president right? Not Hilary, she didn’t get enough votes. I did. I’m the president now, and I’m going to show you how I’m gonna make America Great Again, even if I have to fire each and every American to do it!”

When asked who would be handling the day to day affairs of the White House he replied, “Who better than I? The American people elected me to be their king, president, whatever, and that’s just what I’m going to do. Lead by example. I’m very disappointed in the way these people, and most of their ancestors were immigrants, I can tell you that, behave in regards to their behaviour. It’s unpatriotic, and frankly quite disrespectful. And that’s a mild word, believe me.” 

White house staffers, finding themselves jobless and in some cases homeless haven’t been available for comment. However, there were more smiles in evidence among them than there have been for 6 months.

26 July 2017

Fake News! Staff Writer

Amazon Basin, Brazil

A small boy who was probably trying to enter the USA illegally, was caught and detained by a two headed snake, in a story I am making up as I type. Vitor Imura Iglesias, (10) was practicing rowing his boat in while keeping an eye out for snakes, when he was bitten and dragged towards the water. 

Fortunately he was able to think quickly enough to distract one head with a twinkie, whiles making the second head with the other. 

After the experience, which was not caught on video, as indigenous people rarely have access to the technology you and I take for granted, the boy was asked what he wants to be when he grows up. “Alive” he replied.